If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
