3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
