1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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