..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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