i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
