dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
