# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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