Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
