woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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