he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
