having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
