hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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