sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
