Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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