y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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