There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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