how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
