WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
