What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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