Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
