Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
