omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
