those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
