i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
