clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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