my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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