just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
