and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
