he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
