It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
