So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
