I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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