Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
