I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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