there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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