i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize