How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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