I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
