she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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