I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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