do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
