Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
