All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
As shirtless as possible
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
