i already hear my dad disowning me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
