PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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