Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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