A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I hate all girls vehemently.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
