New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
