oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize