What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
