i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize