careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
