i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
