I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
