So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
