I don't think brook has ever known best
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
