I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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