Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
