the condom got lost in my hair
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
