I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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