we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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