Just fell off a train. Bad.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
