Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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