I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
