I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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